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LAW JOKES-2

Just some more court jokes that I wanted to share:

 IF YOU'VE EVER BEEN CALLED FOR JURY DUTY.....THEN YOU HAVE TO KNOW THIS IS

 PRICELESS! Enjoy a good laugh! These are from a book called: "Disorder in the American Courts",

 and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court

 reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. 


___________________________________________
 ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

 WITNESS: Yes.

 ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

 WITNESS: I forget.

 ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
___________________________________________
 ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

 WITNESS: We both do.

 ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

 WITNESS: We do.

 ATTORNEY: You do?

 WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. 
____________________________________________
 ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about

 it until the next morning?"

 WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
 ____________________________________
; ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year- old, how old is he?

 WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ. 
 ___________________________________________
 ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

 WITNESS: Are you kidding me? 
 _________________________________________
 ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

 WITNESS: Yes.

 ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

 WITNESS: Getting laid 
____________________________________________
 ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

 WITNESS: Yes.

; ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

 WITNESS: None. 
 ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

 WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? 
 ____________________________________________
 ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

 WITNESS: By death.

 ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

 WITNESS: Take a guess. 
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
WITNESS: He was about 20, medium height, and had a beard. 
 ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
 WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. 
______________________________ _______
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
 WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. 
_________________________________________
 ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? 
WITNESS: Oral. 
 _________________________________________
 ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
 WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

 ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

; WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. 
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

 WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? 
______________________________________
 And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

 WITNESS: No.

 ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

 WITNESS: No.
;
 ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

 WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

 WITNESS: No .

 ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

 WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

 ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 
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